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Have you ever seen Orgasmo? This is a girl we know. She's pretty skinny, but we've seen worse. Actually, after half a semester of having her butt busted in aerobics, she's almost ready for strong woman competition. She used to have really long hair, but it got torn off in a bar fight. If you think that's bad, you should see what she did to that 300 pound biker. obsessed with her "bangs" (the hair kind, though one can never be too sure). You could say that she's the official ben's pants groupy, though I guess roady would be a more appropriate term, seeing as she looks after our instruments and does not have sex with the band. Ben's Pants is not the first group she has toured with, she has tuned guitars for the monkeys, eagles, wings, wings II, black sabbath, GNR, the surfaris, and the pope. It was during her five year marriage to the lead singer of Queen that he wrote her biographical ballad, Fat Bottom Girls. Unfortunately, she lost some weight, whereupon he promptly initiated divorve proceedings. They reconciled, but he took up a mistress. That girl grew insately jealous of her husband's affections for his portly lover, until that girl, in a jealous rage, killed the mistress, framing an innocent ham sandwich. Eventually her life of booze, drugs, guns, gambling, murder, and devient sexual behavior ended her marriage. In the mid seventies she checked into rehab. By June, 1997 she was clean. She said goodbye to her old monachre, choosing to forge herself a new life under the name Helga Von Braunowitz. She said goodby to the clinic, joining the new alternative christian rock group Ben's Pants. She has toured with them ever since, using their squeaky clean baptist example to keep her on track.
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