I felt like putting a bullet between the eyes of every Panda that wouldn't screw to save its species. I wanted to open the dump valves on oil tankers and smother all the French beaches I'd never see. I wanted to breathe smoke.

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nach dem speil
ist vor dem speil.

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i am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together

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don't worry lunchie, summer'll be here soon. Then let the good times roll!

On other news, i applyed for a job, i hope i get it, then i'll finally have income.

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i'm really starting to feel like my world is falling down around me. it's rather tiresome really.

i'll have these great emotional highs where i'll feel just super (yes, ha, ha), but then something, a world, an image, an sugestion of things which might or might not have happened, and down i go. no fun indeed. that's part of the reason i cut my hair; i thought i needed a change, something different. it might be helping, it's still a little early to tell, but i still really don't know. i'm really starting to grow tired of life. tired of doing the same things day in and day out, tired or never feeling motivated to do anything, tired of being cold, and eating the same goddamn goop every single day (you knew it was comming), tired of lieing to the world so that it won't worry about me, when in all likelyhood it isn't anyway. it just pretends to so that it can feel better about itself. but i'm getting a little too cynical here...bah. oh well.

and i wonder... does anyone acutally read this? and if they do, how dull...three boys whinning about thier lives... but i'm one of those three; i have no right to criticize. ah well.

good night for now.

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well poo...looks like i missed something... ah well, it doesn't look like it was a particularly happy something. :( oh well.

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i feel that my last post fell quite short of the mark. i have no idea why i wrote what i did when i did, maybe because ubertopher's piece reflected my own sentiment, but i dont really know. i find it hard to believe that i could have written such things as i did in response to a heartfelt honest piece like the one that ubertopher put out. I would like to say once again how truely sorry i am. maybe it was yet another one of those fucked up moods. that's no excuse. I read it first through the jaded eyes of cynical brodie, but as i read it over again it seems quite different, and i realize that inside of it are many things that i am coming to realize for myself as well. i'm sorry, to ubertopher, and others as well...

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